Tuesday, September 22

Tell on yourself first

Most men do not lie outright.

Justified27 Honesty6 Mistakes1

Key takeaways

Name one thing you hope nobody notices and say it today
Say the mistake plain in three sentences and stop talking
Bring up your error before anyone else finds it

TL;DR

Most men do not lie outright. They just wait, and let someone else find the mistake, and then act surprised with them.

Beat them to it

That waiting costs more than the mistake did. You hand the other guy the flashlight and then spend the whole conversation flinching at the beam.

Watch the small delay

You forgot to send the thing. You dented the fender in the lot. You spent money you said you would not spend. And there is that pause, maybe ten seconds long, where you decide whether to bring it up or let it ride. You let it ride. Not because you are a coward, but because it feels like nothing. It probably is nothing. But the pause is a muscle, and you just did a rep. Do enough reps and you become a man with a small permanent gap between what he knows and what he says. Everyone around you can feel that gap even if they can't name it. They stop asking you direct questions. You think that means peace.

a coffee cup and truck keys on a kitchen counter at dawn

Photo by Jakub Żerdzicki on Unsplash

Say it plain and stop

Telling on yourself is short. That is the thing nobody tells you. "I dropped that. It's on me. Here's what I'm doing about it." Three sentences. No lead up, no weather report, no explaining how busy you were. The explaining is where men go to die. You add context because you want the other person to say it's fine, and now you need something from them, and now you are managing them instead of fixing the thing. Say it and stop talking. Let the silence be their silence, not yours to fill.

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Here is the rewritten version:

Telling on yourself is short. That is the thing nobody tells you. "I dropped that. It's on me. Here's what I'm doing about it." Three sentences. No lead up, no weather report, no explaining how busy you were. The explaining is where men go to die. You add context because you want the other person to say it is fine, and now you need something from them, and now you are managing them instead of fixing the thing. Say it and stop talking. Let the silence be their silence, not yours to fill.

Today

Name one thing you have been quietly hoping nobody notices, and tell the person it affects before the day ends.

Go deeper

Here is the part that changes the math. If your standing with God rests on your record, you have to guard that record, and every admission is a loss you cannot afford. So you hide. But while we were still sinners, Christ died for us Romans 5:8. The verdict came in before the confession, not after it. You are not building a case. The case is closed and it went your way, and it did not go your way because you were careful. That is why a person who understands this can say "I was wrong" without the whole identity wobbling. There is nothing left to protect. Try it once and notice how little it actually costs you.

Remember Yesterday

Let the small loss go. The first small thing that goes against you today, say out loud that you're letting it go, then start the next task with your hands.

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