Tuesday, September 1

Answer the question asked

When somebody asks you something straight, answer it straight.

Key takeaways

Notice the half-second scramble before you answer a direct question
Say the short answer first then stop talking
Answer the next direct question in one sentence

TL;DR

When somebody asks you something straight, answer it straight. Most men don't, and the dodge costs more than the honest answer ever would.

Say the short answer

Watch yourself the next time it happens. Someone asks what time you'll be home, whether you finished it, if you're okay. You feel the little scramble start behind your eyes, calculating which version lands softest.

Notice the scramble

It's fast. Half a second. Someone asks a yes or no question and you start building scaffolding. Context. Background. A reason the question is complicated when it isn't. By the time you finish talking you've said four sentences and answered nothing, and the other person nods and quietly files you under unreliable.

You do this for years and call it being thoughtful. It isn't thoughtful. It is managing how you look. A plain no feels like handing someone a weapon. So you give them fog instead, and then wonder why nobody trusts you with anything real.

half-full coffee mug beside a closed notebook on a countertop

Photo by Cabri Caldwell on Unsplash

Say it in one line

The answer is almost always shorter than you think. Yes. No. Not yet. I forgot. I don't know. I don't want to.

Say the short thing first. Then stop. If they want the story, they'll ask for it. Most of the time they won't, because the answer was all they needed. The silence after a plain answer feels terrible for about three seconds and then it's over and you're still standing there, a person who can be believed.

You will be wrong sometimes and you'll have to say so. That's cheaper than being fog.

Today

The next time someone asks you a direct question, answer it in one sentence and say nothing after.

Go deeper

Here's the part that took you longest to see. The dodging isn't a speech problem. It's a standing problem. You hedge because you think the honest answer might cost you your place with somebody, and you're not sure your place can survive it.

But if you're in Christ, your standing was settled before you opened your mouth. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1) Nothing you say today adds to that or takes from it. The verdict is in and it was not based on your performance in the conversation.

A person who already has a verdict doesn't need to argue their case in every exchange. You can just tell the truth and let it land.